Running with my head cut off

It won't stop raining, so I've been sleeping in protest. Yesterday I slept until 5pm. I had amazing dreams that were easily way better than anything I would have experienced in my real life during the same time. It's difficult to have sex in a mall and get away with it, but when I'm sleeping, the cops just walk by and clap. Parking lots are cleared for use in gigantic ultimate frisbee games televised for the masses by screens so large you can see them from miles away. I get catapulted into superstardom for no good reason, I'm just suddenly famous and everyone wants their pictures taken with me. That got annoying so I woke up.

I fucked up my arm playing frisbee on Sunday. I think I hyperextended it or something and tore a muscle. It still hurt the other night but I decided to play frisbee again anyway. When I came down catching the winning throw, my ear smashed into a metal gas stick. I had blood running down the side of my face and I must have looked like a crazed lunatic as I banged on locked doors at Applebee's. Bastards. The sign clearly says the place closes at midnight, but the doors are locked at 11:45. I know this trick. I have used this trick to screw over would-be late night video store customers. They point to their watches, we give them the finger. That's how it goes, and everything comes around. Fuck lest ye be fucked. Is lest a word? YES. Check it out. LEST (conj) - "In order to prevent something happening, especially something causing fear." I have just learned a new nugget of information, and now you have too.

I'M NOT HIGH, I'M AT WORK

And bored. But not really, because I'm on the Internet slacking off. I am the office assistant here, and it is my job to awkwardly avert eye contact with the attractive young girls who come in with their parents. For who am I to them? Why should they care? Look ladies, I'm the ad man. I call the shots when it comes to telling the papers what to print about us. I also write letters and fix technological crap. It's not bad, I like it. My Dad is the best boss I could possibly have.

In other news, my love for gangster rap has returned, and I still need to fight Bernardini. But I'm thinking about Street Fighter and how you have to fight in cool locations, like bowling alleys and Times Square. On a bridge would be cool, but it has too many possibilities of death, and we don't want that. The same goes for the second floor of a shopping mall. Baseball field...NO...I mean that'd be cool but I saw that happen on the Sopranos and I just got a much better idea...ICE RINK. Bernardini, I know you live on livejournal, so I figure you're reading this (or maybe not, because this entry is long and words are hard). I think during a public skate session at one of the local rinks, we should brawl. However, I'm thinking about all this right now and about how fast the skate guards would snuff that out, and I'm thinking maybe it'd have to be on roller skates. I don't know...we need to figure it out, my arm needs to heal, and then we'll get down to it, mano a mano.

That's all for now, you'll have to excuse me. Things need to be done around here, glances need avoided, ads need drawn up, money must change hands and phones have to ring. None of this was possible in the time I wrote this.